2023 was a year that happened. That much I can say for certain. This blog has been one of the only consistent throughlines throughout the entire year. Sure, I missed a couple of days, but this blog has always been on my mind. All day every day. I have found an outlet to write publicly and try and make myself better at this thing we call creativity. If you are reading this blog today on the first day of 2024, thank you so much for doing so. I appreciate it and will always be grateful. I had this idea that I have been teasing for a while for a few months now. I thought I would do a month-by-month breakdown of my year.

A lot of good stuff has happened, and a lot of bad stuff has happened too. I thought of the name recently and know it sounds a bit dramatic. One thing I know for sure is that 2023 was not the worst year of my life. But the combination of negative thoughts and bad luck did not make this year any easier. What follows is a quick summary breakdown of what I got up to each month of the year. I will see you in the outro below.

January

January began in the worst possible way. Having finished up my Christmas job in a retail shop, I was excited to drive to Waterford and spend New Year’s Eve there with Kurt, Fred, and others. On the way down, my car broke down. This meant I didn’t have a car for the first week or so of this year. Believe it or not, this wasn’t how I was planning on spending January. It was an incredibly stressful time, and I can’t believe it was almost a year ago. I still haven’t gotten over the shock, frustration and anxiety that came with the experience.

The month of January was a constant attempt to catch up with myself and try to focus on the next chapter in my life. I thought this wouldn’t last too long. I was wrong.

February

February didn’t have too much to show for itself. I went to So Say So in Wexford and that’s when I started pushing myself more to start reciting my poetry in front of strangers. So, I guess that is something. I went to a networking event by Film Network Ireland and met some lovely people. I also went to see my hometown boy Keith Barry live for the first time in years. I am a big fan of magic. I used to be obsessed. I’m not so much anymore. But the love of it has always stayed with me. It was also Valentine’s Day which isn’t relevant to me as a single man, but it is also around my Granny’s birthday, and it was the second one without her. That kind of sucked. I think this is where things took a bit of a nosedive. Starting in March.

March

Are you like me? Do you consider the first two months of the year a sort of trial run? I think a lot of people have that mentality. It was in March when I decided to pull my socks up and try and make something of my year. That lasted a hot minute. The bank account was running dry and the realization that I was coming out of the fog that thing that happened in 2020 for real this time was starting to make itself known. Things began to suck again. I tried to stay positive. I thought to myself “Well, there are things I can do now that I couldn’t do three years ago”. Such as going to the cinema and live events. I said I would go all hell for leather and try and get out there again. The thing is you need money to do stuff like that. I couldn’t pay for tickets for things with the “promise of a future writing salary”. I went to some wrestling shows, some open mics, and the cinema from time to time. I was starting to panic a bit. I have to say, at this stage, my parents were incredibly supportive. They were encouraging and motivating. However, I don’t think I felt worthy enough to support myself. Very sabotage-y, I know. At the time of writing though I can happily say that this mindset is in the rearview mirror. I had my first meeting with someone who may publish my debut poetry collection in the future. I won’t say “near future” but I have not and will not give up on that plan. It will be a good day when that happens.

April

I got to get out there a bit more in April. The final remnants of a minted life started to gradually fade away and I was pretty much back to where I started pre-2020. Do I regret spending money on experiences and things? No. Even through all the overwhelming panic, shame, frustration, and depressive moments I deep down knew I would find some sort of employment again. I have nothing to report on that front at the moment. But hope is a wonderful thing. I got to go to a lot of fun shows with people I enjoy spending time with. For that, April maybe wasn’t so bad.

May

In May, I got to reconnect with some old friends and broke new ground with some old friends (i.e. Fred and Kurt). We went to our first concert together as a trio and saw Billy Talent. It was a very fun night. I went to some shows by myself and in the background, I was trying to move forward with my job seeking to no avail. I was nearing the middle of the year at this point and was in a constant state of trying to take ownership of my life and falling into a blind panic about not knowing what I was doing.

June

The summer had arrived at this point, and I was starting to see the beginnings of a repetitive year. It wasn’t all bad. I went to more open mics and became more of a part of the local arts community. Fred wanted to see Iron Maiden live. Kurt and I joined him. I can’t speak for Kurt, but I was kind of hesitant. I am not a metalhead and I didn’t know if I would like the vibe at the gig. However, I ended up having a lot of fun. We had a nice thing going with the two gigs over two months. As someone who got a Ticketmaster voucher for Christmas, I hope we get to do it again at some point in the new year.

July

At the height of Summer, I tried again to make use of my free time and try and figure out how to maybe make a living from this thing we call writing. I attended a workshop facilitated by Jan Carson that I had taken before but got the opportunity to attend the workshop again for free. I attended more open mics and realized I had been to the cinema for a while. Given the whole “Barbenheimer” craze, I knew at least two films I had to see. My Mam unfortunately fell and how to spend some time in hospital. Thankfully, she made a full recovery. Billie and I went on a couple of adventures together and it was a lot of fun. I didn’t pass my NCT. Such is life. A lot of things outside of my control started to happen around this time and I had a very hard time overcoming all the frustrations that came with it. But I started to be real with myself and knew that human connection was the way to go. That leads nicely into August.

August

In August, Jack and I made our attempt to dip our toes into the world of Dublin spoken word poetry. It is an adventure we are still on and will continue to go on hopefully through next year. The scene was very welcoming to us and I, for one, can’t wait to get involved more. In addition to that, I went to see my first proper Dublin spoken word show, headlined by Emmet O’Brien and I was both intimidated and inspired by the talent on show that night. Even all these months later. I attended more local open mics and got to know even more people within the local scene. I met up with some friends and even Slim, my best friend from primary school, who I hadn’t seen in many years. You have to appreciate guy friendships. Even after not talking for years, we picked up right where we left off. I helped out backstage at a local amateur production of The Snapper by Roddy Doyle. The man himself even came to see it one night but I never got a chance to meet him myself. On a personal level, my mental health was starting to decline yet again. I went to therapy a couple of times and talked some things out. I am incredibly grateful to have that at my disposal.

September

September is not just my birthday month but also my parents and the late great Pepper. This September was not the best September we as a family have had in quite some time. Throughout the summer, Pepper started developing some medical issues. We brought her to the vet on several occasions and as her condition worsened, it became apparent that her time with us was limited. After my sister came home from her J1 and Pepper’s 15th birthday arrived; we had an incredibly difficult call to make. On the 8th of September, we said our final goodbye to Pepper. We now have her remains in a wooden box and her presence is still felt throughout the house. I think about and miss her every day. The day before my birthday, my Mam had another fall and had to spend a night in hospital again. I spent my birthday day alone. I did get to go to a poetry event with Jack in the evening, however. I went to see Aunty Donna live too as well as John Cooper Clarke. I got to spend quality time with Jack, Kurt, Fred, Billie and many others whom I haven’t given blog nicknames. It showed me just how important human connection is. Talk to your friends. That’s the advice I would give to you this year.

October

In October, things started to pick back up again. It was the month of wrestling having gone to three wrestling shows. It was a lot of fun. One of my proudest moments of the year came this month when I was asked by someone to come to their event and recite my poetry. It meant a lot to me, and it showed me the potential in my future when it came to my poetry and mixing with a community of incredibly talented folk. All of this was all well and good, but I was still struggling to find my feet when it came to employment. The dole office was on my back and that is never a fun time. I was a couple of weeks into a course that will hopefully help bring me employment in the new year. It was at this point that I started thinking about this very blog post you are reading right now.

November

In November I gave myself two options: I could look for short-term employment for the Christmas period like I had done for the past five years, or I could opt out of that and try to make something of myself going into the new year. I chose the latter, and I don’t regret my decision. At this point, it became very much apparent to me that this year was not one for the record books. I continued with my course and continued going to open mics and reciting as much as I could. I went to a proper punk rock gig and still don’t know what to make of it all these months later. I think I had fun. Towards the end of the month, I participated in some TV extra work that I am still not sure I am allowed to talk about. I was in the audience for a game show. That’s all I will say.

December

The start of this month feels like a lifetime ago. I had to do work experience as part of my course which meant I couldn’t do as much extra work as I would have liked to. I enjoyed my work experience though. I hope it also gives me opportunities in the new year. After all my assignments were handed in and before Christmas, I crammed a lot into my schedule. I went to Kilkenny to see Nick’s band perform for the first time in a decade. I went to a wrestling show, a play, and a gig. Honestly, if I went to the cinema once it would have been a bingo on the game of “things Fin likes to do”. Christmas rolled around and it was the first without Pepper which was tough. I got some lovely presents and gave some lovely ones too if I do say so myself. I am now sitting here on New Year’s Eve writing the last few words I can before the clock strikes midnight.

The title of this blog is somewhat of an overdramatic joke. The year was not a complete disaster. I am sitting here, and all my gratitude journaling is finally starting to stick with me. All I am is grateful. I am grateful for this home my parents allowed me to stay in. I am grateful for my parents, my sister, my aunt, my health, my car, and my friends too. Anyone whom I have mentioned throughout the year by (nick)name or otherwise, I am grateful for you. We all went through a tough time the past couple of years but at the end of the day we are all still here and I am not sitting here with anger, resentment, or anything like that. I have found that that is incredibly tiresome to uphold.

To end this final blog of 2023, I would like to address 2024, as I do every year on Twitter. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your time this year and finally:

Hello 2024, it’s nice to meet you. Please be kind to me and the people I love this year. Thank you.